Changes, they are a-coming

Changes are probably coming to this lovely little, much neglected blog of mine.

Why? Why fix something that’s already broken? Well, I’m taking two courses this semester in a desperate bid to finish my undergraduate degree. One is Communication Through New Media and the other is a Capstone in Communications project.

Both involve looking like I know what I’m talking about when it comes to social media. So I thought I’d turn my blog into an awesome, I-know-what-I’m-doing commentary about the latest and greatest in all things sparkly and new media. It will garner me attention as a social media guru, communicator extraordinaire and online fundraising mogul. Or something like that.

I’ll also be launching joannabartlett.com (which currently points right to this blog, I think) and taking down earthscribe.com (which I haven’t updated since I started a full-time job).

I’m not sure when exactly I’ll find time to be an awesome new media professional, since I can’t seem to find time to post pictures of cute children doing endearing and sometimes naughty things. And I haven’t yet figured out how I will reconcile my desire to talk about the little ones with the goal of presenting myself as a wonderful, ambitious professional.

How does everyone else do it?

Perhaps I’m better at accepting other people as multidimensional, whole people with lives full of family and professional aspirations, than I am myself. That probably says more about me than anyone else.

Or maybe I’m still haunted by being taken to task by a former boss about posting that I’d spent the past few months post-maternity-leave mostly staring out the window in a sleep-deprived state, missing my baby. (I started my own business, the aforementioned Earthscribe, shortly after that. It wasn’t my boss’ fault. He was a bachelor and had yet to experience parental yearnings.)

In any case, changes are a-coming. Let’s find out what they’ll be!

Planting a garden brings a sense of being home

Now that we’re moved in, mostly unpacked and I’ve started work, I seem to have developed delayed moving adjustment *. Now that we’re establishing a routine and have figured out the basics of our new lives, there’s a part of me that’s realizing this is what my life is now and going Aaaaaaaaagggghh!

That’s not to say I have regrets about moving. Or working. Or having my mother live with us. But it is an adjustment. I don’t like knowing that I don’t have local friends, even though I didn’t often see my then-local friends in Rochester. They were still there. I knew where they lived.

So, how to combat this adjustment uneasy feeling, other than just going through the motions until more parts of our lives fall into place? I’ll check out a Unity Church on Sunday–at least having somewhere to meditate and focus on my inner life will give me balance and strength to adjust to my new “outer” life. And I’m sure new friends will come in time. I want to make an effort to find kid-friendly groups that enjoy nature–think mushroom hunting, going for short hikes, discovering kids playgrounds–and hope to meet some other parents.

I have one other plan to feel more grounded and connected to this new place we call home. And it’s already underway. Planting a garden. There’s a small patch of flower bed that our landlord tried growing vegetables in this summer. He cleared it before he moved out. And we added compost and peat and dug it up and planted kale, broccoli and pea plants I found at the local farmer’s market. Then the kids and I planted lettuce, arugula, mesclun mix, beets, carrots and radish seeds–most of which are already sprouting!

Watering my little veggie patch in the evening after work and checking to see which new seeds have sprouted makes me happy. It brings me relief–from stress, from the unknown, from the strangeness of moving. It’s a simple thing I spend a few minutes a day doing, but it makes me happy.

* I am making this condition up. Perhaps there’s a name for it, perhaps not. But when you move, you get into the groove of what has to be done, what needs to get packed or unpacked, disconnected or installed, and you just get on with it. It’s not until the blur of activity settles down that you can look around in your new life and consider what it means.

Laboring over the weekend

My blogging friend, Christa on Vocational Duality, often writes about balancing work life with mothering life. I’ve been fortunate in managing the two somewhat separately most of the time. But not this last week.

When Duncan was a baby and I leapt into the freelance life, I could put him in a playpen next to my desk and get work done. That lasted until he was a year old. Then I started taking him to an at-home daycare a few afternoons a week. Daddy looked after him some mornings, I worked during naptime and those three afternoons when he went to Kayden’s house.

Then Berry came along. Working with 2 kids is next to impossible. One of them always wants something – usually both of them want something, at the same time, in the loudest possible manner.

Because of this, when I went back to work shortly after Berry’s birth (too soon, I now realize, but that’s another story), I found someone (a wonderful someone) to come to our house to look after the kids. This keeps them close, yet I still get to escape to my office in the attic. I’m around, yet not. We eat lunch together, I put them down for naps, then I go back to work until dinner time. Really, it’s ideal.

I get to enjoy the flexibility of working from home, while maintaining working hours. Generally, I refuse to work evenings or weekends. I’m not a machine, after all. However, every so often, there comes a project with a looming deadline, that requires some after-hours work. I had one this past Labor Day weekend.

Oh boy. It would have gone OK if things had been “normal.” But we were all sick. I was sick. The kids were sick. Even Kevin was sick, although he did a fabulous job of not complaining about it.

So there I sat, one sick kid on my lap, the other sitting in a chair next to me or playing with trains on the floor, working away at the dining room table. We must have been a sight. They watched so much TV I think their brains may have melted and dribbled out their ears (at least they’ve been acting like it). But I kept plugging away and we somehow got through the weekend. My project got finished (finally, yesterday) and we will all eventually feel better. I can’t tell you how glad I was to see the sitter on Tuesday morning.

It’s interesting how we all manage to balance our lives one way or another. If I didn’t have a pressing deadline and I didn’t adore the client, I would have packed work away for the weekend and got on with it on Tuesday. Family and health tend to come before work in my balancing act. Time may be money, but time is also life. Somehow it’s important to find the equilibrium between the two.

Back online (not that I was ever really off)

The new computer is on my desk. Most of the software is installed. I saved most of my files.

I’m not sure I like this shiny silver keyboard. The clicking it makes bores into my skull slightly. Given that I’m a writer and tend to spend a good deal of time typing, that may not be a good thing. But maybe the plastic cling wrap I’ll be putting over the keyboard will muffle it.

I’m thirsty. But I’m afraid to drink from the bottle of water on the desk. Ah, it’ll be OK, right? Mmmm….that was a good $700 drink.  Just kidding. It was OK. This time.

So, my advice from this experience is:

• Back up your files (and buy a bigger backup drive if you have to – note to self about that one).
• Cover your keyboard with something non-porous, yet transparent. The only roll of Saran wrap we have is green, but I’ll still give it a try.
• Keep extra computers in the house. Between me and Kevin we still have 3 working computers. (They are under high security at all times, don’t even think about it!)

That’s pretty much all the advice I have. This keyboard key squeaking might seriously get to me, though. At least I can run iTunes now to drown it out.

Oh, God. OK, so I wanted a new computer

I’m a woman of many talents.

Unfortunately, one of them involves doing stupid and embarrassing things. Like spilling freshly pumped breast milk onto my laptop.

If you don’t see me online for a bit, it’s because I’m recovering from bashing my head against the nearest wall. And looking for a new one in the pre-Christmas sales.

I admit, I’ve wanted a new computer for a while. I was hoping to buy one before the end of the year. But not like this.

Wish me luck. And good shopping.

Finding balance

I have the best life.

I complain a lot to my online mommy friends that I need to quit chatting and get working. Really I’m only “complaining” because I like talking to people. In an office environment, I’d spend some time talking to my co-workers about their lives and things we read in the paper and discuss what our lunch options were. I don’t have co-workers anymore. There’s a lot of things I don’t miss about that. Even the chatting sometimes, when I want to concentrate on getting that work done.

Because I love working. Specifically, I like the work I’m doing now. I feel like I’m making a difference, having positive effect on the world. I love that my clients are chiropractors, pediatricians practicing homeopathy, Adirondack meditation retreats, Reiki practitioners, new-age stores and the like. It’s totally up my alley.

I also appreciate that my “coworkers” are a couple of little people who hang out downstairs with their Daddy in the mornings. Activities include strenuous hours of play-dough creations, coloring, going outside to play basketball (thanks for the hoop, Nanny!) and some time singing and patting with Rocket and Little Einsteins.

When I’m ready for my coffee break (occurring right now), I’m greeted by Duncan yelling, “Oh! Mummy!” as I walk down the stairs. And I saw Berry roll from her back to front for the first time just now. She just turned 5 months old and I feel like I’ve been able to spend so much time with her, watching her slowly grow and change.

There are days I feel like I don’t see the kids much — when I work all morning, make lunch, put them down for naps, then back to work until the sitter gets here. Then more work until a half-hour before bath time. I get a lot of hours in some days. But it’s not every day.

And there’s still the, uh, joy of spending 2 hours in the morning (that’d be between the hours of 6 a.m. and 8 a.m.) before Kevin gets home from work. I actually enjoy the morning time we have together, even through the early morning summoning and the daily Battle of Breakfast.

Even today, when I have a cold and am having trouble concentrating, I feel like my life has a nice balance. I can breathe freely. I know things are on a positive course. And I’m surrounded by the things that are most important to me – meaningful work and family.

How I became a freelancer

How did I get to be a freelancer, painfully procrastinating finishing a job? (If I finish this job, then I’ll have to get back to cold calling. So as painful it is to know I have work to do that I’m not getting to, the thought of cold calling is worse. I think.)

The short story is that I had a baby (Duncan) and didn’t want to put him in daycare. Or miss watching him grow up. And my former employer couldn’t/wouldn’t work out a part-time work-from-home arrangement (working part-time and partly working from home) so I left when Duncan was 6 months old. That was in January 2006.

I was then able to work out an excellent freelance arrangement with said former employer that served us both well. It was a great transition time as I got used to being self-employed and they found someone else to take care of their website. During that time, I became pregnant with baby #2 (Berry). It seemed like such a good idea at the time. Kidding. Mostly. I didn’t know I was signing up for 8 months of morning sickness and exhaustion.

Still, I worked through it, building up my client base. Work just kept flowing in.

Berry was born in April and I stopped taking on new jobs a month or two before she was due. I had some projects to finish up and wanted to make sure I had enough time to get them done. I work part-time. I felt crappy. I had limited work hours. I finished them. Because I’m awesome like that.

Then she was born. And I started working again when she was 2 weeks old. My clients needed things done and I didn’t want to A) let them down and B) lose them. But I missed having the maternity leave I had with Duncan.

Berry is now 12 weeks old. Maternity leave is over! Well, it would be if I had a “regular job.” What I do love about self-employment is that I don’t have to go back to the office. Ever. My office is at home and I work while the kids are sleeping, or Kevin looks after them, or while the sitter/nanny is here. No daycare. Enough time to work. Now I just need more clients.

Towards the end of my pregnancy, I just wanted to speed through that part and the newborn part so I could get back to work and grow my business. So I could get on with things. Now I’m in the “getting on with things” stage and I’m…well, procrastinating. Go figure.

I will give myself a break and admit it’s a little more complex than that. Having a baby is an emotional journey, especially a couple of months postpartum when your hormones shift again and your hair starts falling out. I didn’t get the break I did after Duncan was born and I’ve had a lot more stressful things to deal with. So I think I’ve taken my maternity leave the last few weeks — still working, but not really.

But, hey, I’m multitasking in my procrastination. I’m blogging AND pumping.

Going green?

I haven’t told Kevin this yet. I have a plan to be more environmentally conscious. I don’t think he’ll have any objections. My grand plan is to start replacing all the products we use — shampoo, body wash, cleaners, etc. — with ones made with organic and natural products.
My business caters to businesses in the “natural health and wellness industries.” At least that’s what my website says. My focus is on environmentally- and socially-conscious businesses, organizations involved in education, wellness, spirituality. I need to be one of those businesses myself.

But it’s not just about that. I’ll admit I’m still fairly clueless about what I eat and slather on my body on a regular basis. For myself and the kids, my food goal is no corn syrup, hydrogenated oils, trans fats or artificial colors, flavors or preservatives. I buy a lot of organic products and found a list somewhere about which fruits and vegetables are the most safe and most toxic.

For a lot of household and beauty products, though, we’re not so picky. I don’t use bleach. It creates dioxins. And while a lot of things we use are at least unscented or the brand that appeals to folks looking for something a little more natural, Aveeno body wash is still produced by Johnson & Johnson and contains all the laureth sulfates they can squeeze in the bottle.

So, slowly, as I figure it out, we’re going more green. We probably won’t be perfect at it and will screw things up from time to time. But from diapers (7th Generation for Berry, not sure what to do for Duncan as they started leaking for him ages ago) to light bulbs to baby wash, we’ll be more conscious about what we buy and use. Not sure I’ll be able to give up my Mr. Clean Magic Erasers, though…

Caution: Spontaneous baby eruption may occur

I’d forgotten the “joy” of interacting with other people in a professional environment when pregnant.

I met a couple of former coworkers for lunch today that I hadn’t seen in a while. It was a good lunch. Since I’d parked near their office building, I stopped in on our way back (we ate on campus) to say hello to everyone else.

Being massively pregnant, everyone’s very natural question was: “So when are you due?” Not many people ask me that anymore. Probably because I don’t see that many people on a day-to-day basis. I haven’t missed the pregnancy questions.
Anyway. “Tuesday,” I replied. Which caused them to practically jump or take a step backwards away from me as if a baby was going to spontaneously spill from my body at any moment. It was quite the universal reaction. And quite funny.
Unfortunately, I was able to make it all the way home and through the afternoon without a baby falling out between my legs. I’ll probably make it through the night and tomorrow as well. Hopefully not all the way to Tuesday, though.

Makes me want to walk around somewhere people know me on Tuesday, though, just so I can get that reaction all over again. Imagine the response to “When are you due?”. “Today! Right now! Right this second.” Hahhahahahaha

Lunch was great, though. I miss some of my coworkers but I totally don’t miss being in an office environment or the 9-to-5 life.

Beginning to wait

Work is good. Life is good. We’re ready for Berry to arrive, pretty much.

The waiting begins, I think. Somewhere in my head I kinda hoped that she’d be born on Easter. No particular reason. Just a fancy. A whim.

I don’t think it’s going to happen. It’s 9 days before her due date. Duncan was born 10 days AFTER his due date, after I was induced. Thinking I’m going to have an early baby is…well…self-torture, pretty much.

But we’ve been getting ready in any case. The bassinette has been carried upstairs, the bedding is in the wash, Duncan is in his new room, the changing table is in Berry’s room, the car seat is installed (mostly correctly).

Every strange, sometimes breath-taking-away twinge and sensation makes me wonder if IT is about to begin. But it hasn’t. It will eventually, I know.

The problem with feeling almost totally ready is that you’re then waiting. We’re only “almost” ready because I still have some work to finish — like a 9 am interview tomorrow. And the house could do with some cleaning. And the crib mattress needs to be put up. But, other than work, it’s mostly little things. And I’m getting to the point where I’d even trade having to work right after Berry is born with not being pregnant anymore.

Silly me. Like I have a choice.

So wish me luck, and mostly patience. I’m grateful to have a full-term, healthy baby girl hanging out inside me. She’ll be here soon, I know.