Why there have been no photos lately

I was looking through this blog’s posts earlier today, for some photos of Duncan in the sling, and I realized I’ve been totally lame lately about posting photos of him.

There are a few factors at work. While I love my laptop that I got in March, it only has 2 USB ports, so I have to be selective about what gets plugged in. Usually it’s my mouse and the printer – the 2 peripheral devices I use the most. I used to also have my webcam, camera dock and other things plugged in, too, through a USB hub.

But I’ve found the USB hub just doesn’t work well with the laptop for some resaon. It’s powered. I don’t know why it causes problems. But devices don’t load up properly, everything needs to be reinstalled all the time. It’s just a pain. I’ve tried it a couple of times and have just given up now.

In order to get pics off my camera, the dock has to be plugged into the USB port while the computer is booted up. Sometimes the computer needs to be restarted again before it recognizes it. And then the camera can be put on the dock to get photos off. Except my photosharing software doesn’t work anymore, so I have to manually click around and find the photos on the card on the camera and move them into a folder on my harddrive.

So it’s a pain. No more just setting the camera on the dock and pressing the button and being done.

I guess that’s the biggest factor. If I had to buy a laptop again, I wouldn’t buy a used one. I’d shell out the extra dough and get a new one with 4 USB ports and a card reader. That way I could have my stuff plugged in all the time (as I don’t actually take the laptop anywhere most of the time, although its essential that I can when I need to).

I have the same issues with the web cam. I have to restart a couple of times to get the computer to recognize it and the USB hub just messes everything up. Kinda takes the spontenaeity out of seeing someone online and wanting to web chat with them. Oh well.

I’m hopeful that if things go well this year, I’ll just buy an updated computer in a year or so. I do like my toys.

So this was supposed to be a post with photos of Duncan…not a dissertation on why there haven’t been any and about my dislike of my USB hub.

Here’s the boy in the snow recently:

And a recent hairdo after taking his nap with damp (post-shower) hair:

And I thought I was getting away from the 9-to-5 life

I’m beginning to suspect I’m a bit of a workaholic.

It’s almost 8 pm on a Friday. I’ve worked hard all week. I have Duncan’s cold. And what am I doing? Sitting here working, tying up loose ends, making sure I’ve wrapped up all the outstanding details for my current clients.

The thing is, I’m not nearly done. I’m going to stop now, go downstairs, make some lovely Marie Callender’s fettucini alfredo (because I’m too tired/lazy to cook an actual meal) and enjoy the American Idol I recorded from Wednesday.

But looking at my list of things that I could have accomplished this week…well, there’s still more on it. Which means I’ll be putting in at least a few hours this weekend.

It’s OK. I’m not complaining that I have a lot of work going on. It’s work. Billable hours, people. Those are good. I’ve surpassed my goal for billable hours this week by 50% already (and technically the week ends on Sunday night).

I’m told that in the freelance world, work is often feast or famine. I’ve been swamped so far this year — the very thing I was worried wouldn’t happen. I haven’t even had a chance to go looking for new clients which I thought I’d be forced to do as soon as the holidays were over.

But now it’s time for dinner. I bet the oven’s heated up ready to toast my garlic bread.

Hot tea for Mummy

Quick story of the day before I get to work:

We’ve all picked up some dreaded sickness — a cold — somehow, that’s been keeping Duncan ill and cranky since Friday night.

Working from home, this means that I’ve been toddler tending more than working this week. Which is fine except 1) I don’t get paid and 2) I have a major deadline to meet. So work has been in the mornings during “Daddy daycare” (except when major cranky crying episodes neccessitate Mummy cuddles – it’s not like I can concentrate when there’s screaming going on, anyway), during naps and after he goes to bed at night.

Fun for me.

Naps have been cut short or woken up in the middle of this week. And by the time bedtime gets here, I’m wiped out — as I’ve got the sore throat/stuffy nose thing going on, too.

Anyway. That’s not the story of the day. Just me complaining.

The story of the day:

I was deciding out loud whether or not to make a cup of tea before I came upstairs to work. Hot tea = throat soothing + caffeine. I asked Kevin if he wanted any. Nope. I did, though. And Duncan came running up to me in the kitchen as I was pulling a mug out of the cupboard.

“Di doh!” (Duncanese for “Here you go.”) He handed me a little blue plastic tea cup from his kitchen set. What a sweet boy, making me pretend tea in the morning.

Just goes to show he’s really listening. To everything we say. He started saying “icky” this morning after I explained I was wiping the ickiness from his face after breakfast/sneezing. Great. He’s sure to be a literary genius now.

Blogging in my head

I want you to know that I’ve been blogging. In my head.

Somehow the act of taking those “head thoughts” and turning them into “written thoughts” is just too much effort most days. But I think about it all the time. Mostly I think about how lame I’ve become about it.

Partly, I’ve been busy. Most of my awake non-Duncan time that is spent working. I’m working as much now as I was when I was at RIT. Not making as much money yet. But working hard.

I’ve also been somewhat exhausted when I haven’t been working. I used to get in a couple of hours of computer time after Duncan went to bed. Now I plop on the couch for an hour or so after dinner, watch some TV and fold laundry. It’s an exciting life.

Growing new human life takes a lot of you. And I thought this pregnancy would be easier.

So those are my excuses.

How am I finding the time to blog right now, you wonder? Well, right now I’m procrastinating about doing something else.

Small successes

Something big has been crossed off my to-do list.

I just ordered brochures for Earthscribe. Phew.

If you’re curious to see what it’s all about, you can view the PDF here. Please, don’t find any typos. I just ordered 1000 of them from Vista Print. I had a good deal on 500 at $100, but then they threw in another 500 for $40. I figured it was worth it.

(EDIT: Whoever finds the typo first gets a prize! Yes, I found a typo less than an hour after placing my order. After staring at it for days and re-writing the 2nd paragraph under web consulting services about 5 times. That’s not where the typo is though.)

Business cards are also on their way as I ordered those a week ago (along with some free fridge magnets). And the website is getting there. I still need to add some examples to my portfolio, plus I want to beef up the whole “results” part of it. You know, what my work did for each client. It has a little more impact than just saying, “here are a bunch of cool press releases I wrote.” Plus I want to link to this blog from there. I think I can pull off blogging about work without running into too much trouble.

Of course, after I cross all those things of my to-do list, I’ll have to actually go looking for clients. Approaching people I don’t know. Making cold calls. Selling myself. I do have a semi-formed plan for that and what kinds of clients I want. I just hope I’m as successful as I believe I’m going to be.

Less blogging = more blogging (hopefully)

Sigh. Winter is approaching, I lost my cell phone in Ellison Park on Tuesday and the ROC outsider blog I was writing for the Rochester insider shall be no more.

Plus, exhausto-boy isn’t taking naps well and seems to be determined to take 1 afternoon nap a day. Which is fine. I just wish he’d get into a consistent routine so I know what to expect, can plan my day and know when I can work. Granted, he has had a mild cold and just got his 15-month cocktail of vaccinations yesterday, so that could be throwingww him off.

Presumably, maintaining one less blog will give me time/energy/ideas for this blog without feeling like I need to be a cool chick who actually goes out and does stuff. Instead I can write about how I don’t go anywhere because I’m at home working all the time I can!

This working-from-home gig is really taking off. Which is great. But setting up a new business needs lots of time and attention. And then once I have the basics in place (website, business cards, brochures), I have to go and find more clients. And then do the work that the clients offer me. Which is fine and great and wonderful. Just a little overwhemling some days lately.

In case you’re wondering why the demise of the ROC outsider blog, I’m told that the parent company that owns the insider (and the D&C) – Gannett (2 ts or 1?) has decided that paying bloggers is a legal liability. I’m not entirely clear why (I didn’t take notes) – because it makes them too much like an employee of the company, or because they might say things that offend someone who then sues Gannet. Something like that. And while I’m happy to maintain this blog for no pay, blathering on about who knows what, I can’t commit to doing it somewhere else instead, especially when life seems to be less about enjoying living in Rochester and more about just getting on with it. It’s OK. It was fun while it lasted. We’ll just move on. And my insurance is sending a new phone that should arrive tomorrow.

Saying hello means saying goodbye

As part of my imminent new business launch, I’m cleaning up and consolidating my Web sites.

I’ve got a bunch of domains and some point to one place, others to another. For a while I had a Web site promoting my musical ventures (silandara.com), one for my Web site business (dreamtreedesign.com – which I think I still own but the business has been dormant/gone for a long time) and another for freelance writing (silandarabartlett.com and joannabartlett.com). Oh, and then there’s the music publishing company I created to publish/distribute/release my last 2 CDs, Aradnalis Productions (aradnalis.com).

In a moment or two, all of those addresses will either point here or to the new commercial writing business site.

What I find hard to do is to take down the old stuff. Playing music professionally isn’t in my near future. That’s OK. It’s something I did for a few years, that I really wanted to try doing. And I did it. I decided that I didn’t ultimately want to do the things I felt were necessary to be successful professionally — like tour and live off people’s couches. That didn’t jive with being married, owning a home and starting a family.

But taking down the pages with my CDs and photos from gigs…it’s hard. It’s bittersweet. I’m in a different place now and I don’t want to promote that side of myself. Still, removing it from the public eye kind of means it doesn’t exist anymore. I still have people ask me — 2 years after I stopped gigging — if I’m still playing out. It’s really sweet they remember and know it’s something that was so important to me. But, no, I’m not gigging. It doesn’t fit into my life right now.

The other thing that’s I’m not sure about is what to do about my old blog. I moved a lot of my old posts over to WordPress when I switched blogs a while back. But not all of them. I’ve been blogging about various things on “Silandara’s blog” since March 2002. On one hand, I don’t know that I want THAT much of my history out there for folks to read. On the other, it seems a shame to take it offline. (I’ll save it locally, of course, so it’s not gone forever.)

Anyway, that’s the fascinating update on this end. Better get back to that .htaccess file and its custom redirects.

Working mama

I’ll preface this by saying that I wouldn’t have things any other way right now.

When I’m running up and down the basement stairs, trying to get in a quick load of laundry while Duncan is happily playing in the living room; when I’m squeezing in a trip to Wegmans to get groceries, feeding him crackers or handing him the container of bacos to keep him happy; when I’m headed upstairs away from my husband and son to start my work day inbetween repeated interruptions … I remember that I woldn’t have it any other way.

When people ask me if I’m a stay-at-home mum, it seems like my two options for responses are that I 1) Go to work full-time outside the home for someone else or 2) Don’t work and stay at home. Option 3 (one of several others): Work from home part-time doesn’t seem to factor into people’s ideas of what mum’s do. And they don’t seem to give it much credence or real respect.
Don’t get me wrong. Mums that don’t work for financial gain outside or inside the home and mums that have a full-time job all work hard. But so do mums (like me) who work from home. I bring in an income — I bring in a very significant portion of our family’s income — but I do it working for myself and I do it without having to find full-time daycare. In our case, different working schedules, working during naps and a little bit of daycare make it work. But it’s not a piece of cake.

If anything, it’d be easier to be on salary working for an employer, enjoing vacation time, sick days and the knowledge that when I’m at work I’m not at home and that no one that I’ve ever encountered actually does 8 hours of solid work in an office. There’s lots of chit chat, coffee time and various distractions to be had.

Me? I get paid only when I’m performing billable services for my clients. Checking my e-mail, blogging, even invoicing, is all on my own time. It gives you a different appreciation for work and what you get from a “regular job.” (Of course, I’m talking salaried office-based job here, not the contantly on-the-go stuff that people in service-related jobs experience.)

But being able to see Duncan (and Kevin) in the middle of the day, to see the precious moments, to take a coffee break with my husband and son instead of coworkers, to pop in a load of laundry or grab a snack from the fridge that I didn’t have to remember to tote into the office with me that day — that has its benefit too. And in any job, if you want to succeed and perform well, there’s only so much of the distractions you can afford to pay attention to. At the end of the day, work has to get done.

So all in all, I know this kind of work life is what’s right for me. Makes me feel good I ultimately chose it, even if people don’t quite understand all that it entails.

Quickie update

I’ve been blogging like crazy lately. Yeah, not here. Somewhere else.

I’m writing for the Rochester insider – my own blog the ROC outsider. My mission: to post 3 times a week about my life in Rochester. Every post has some kind of Rochester connection, whether it’s going to the public market, donating clothes to a local charity, or other Rochester bloggers.

I have a long list of ideas of things to write about (if I could only find it) and spend my days thinking about how everything I’m doing could possibly turn into a blog post. It’s fun, though, and I am getting paid. So when I go out to do stuff, I’m really earning money… Hmm…I think that’s how travel writing works.

However, it hasn’t left me a lot of time/blogging thought power for this blog so it’s been sadly neglected. Well, that and working for a living, finding new clients, doing work for current clients, working on the business website, etc. has been using up my time. The Exhausto-Boy has been using up the rest of my energy, leaving me good for only a quick dinner, folding laundry and an episode of Charmed by the time he’s gone to bed.

I hear him wimpering in his crib after a nap, so I’d better jump off and give him some loving.

The choices we make

I had a rough day yesterday. It left me feeling emotionally exhausted and near tears as Duncan and I took our stroll around the neighborhood.

It took me most of the walk to figure it out, but walking is good for percolating thoughts and feelings to the surface and simmering them until they make sense.

Part of it has to do with Oscar, the 15-year-old feline diabetic, having a serious downturn in health. I’m waiting for a call from the vet with blood work results, which will hopefully tell us something. There was a visit to the emergency vet this weekend that I didn’t expect him to come home from.

The other part has to do with the job I left behind for this new job of work-at-home-mummy. There are a few things happening at my old department, which I’m freelancing for, that have been a bit tricky emotionally for me to deal with.

They’ve hired my replacement. He starts May 1 so I’ll give up my old office and sit wherever there’s room for me on Monday mornings when I go in.

They created a new position which I would have loved to have had while I was there. Manager of New Media. Me leaving got them to re-evaluate certain things and refocus some energy on the Web and developing the blog and future podcast. Which is really cool. And I’m thrilled they’re doing it. It’s just that the blog was my baby and, while I’m still involved in it, to a great extent I have to let it go. That was my intent all along, to have other people become invested in it. It’s just…now I have to let it go and that stuff is never easy.

I know I made the right decision for my family, and for me professionally. I know my PR/Web/commercial writing business will take off. I know all of that will ultimately give me more room for growth and job satisfaction. And money.

But it hit home that I’ve walked away from some cool things that are finally happening. Even though I take credit (or a large chunk of it) for those things happening in the first place, I’m not there in the thick of it now. Ironic, that.